Tag Archives: fear

True Crime Podcasts (and my husband) Might Have Saved My Life

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I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts.

And when I say a lot, I mean enough that I regularly find myself talking back to the radio, saying things like, “Why would you open the door?!” or “Nope. Absolutely not. That is how you end up on a podcast.”

I’ve listened to enough stories about seemingly innocent encounters that turned into something terrible that I’ve probably become a little more suspicious than the average person.

Last night, I was incredibly thankful for that. It was around 8:30 p.m. I was home alone, which thankfully doesn’t happen often, sitting in my office working on my computer. It was already pitch-black outside, and I was completely focused on what I was doing.

Then someone knocked on my front door.

My office is less than ten feet from that door, but I don’t have a clear view of the porch.

The dogs immediately lost their minds and ran in from the other room to stand at the door barking as they stared out the window at someone or something I couldn’t yet see.

And every alarm bell in my brain went off.

I didn’t walk to the door. I didn’t call out, “Who is it?” I didn’t open it a crack to see what they wanted.

Instead, I slowly got up and peeked through the window. There were two men standing about eight feet back from my front door. Something about it immediately felt wrong.

Could there have been a perfectly innocent explanation? Maybe, but in that moment, my brain wasn’t interested in finding out. Even today, thinking back, I can’t come up with an innocent explanation that makes any sense.

Every true crime story I have ever listened to seemed to scream the same thing: You do not owe a stranger access to you just because they knocked on your door.

So, I listened to my instincts. I grabbed my phone and moved away from the front of the house while calling my husband.

No answer. I called again.

Meanwhile, shaking and on the verge of tears, I was trying to figure out what I would do if these men didn’t leave.

When my husband finally answered, he already knew what was going on. He had gotten the Ring camera alert and had pulled up the camera and had spoken to the men through it.

They said they were from AT&T… At 8:30 at night… In the dark!

My husband pointed out the time and the men actually looked at their watches and responded with something along the lines of, “Oh, yeah. Sorry. We’ll leave.”

And then they left.

Maybe they really were with AT&T. Maybe they were completely harmless. Maybe they had been working all day and simply lost track of time.

I hope that’s exactly what happened. My instincts tell me it isn’t, but I hope it is.

But I also know that I don’t have to find out. Because, I don’t have to open my door to two strangers at night to avoid seeming rude. I don’t have to ignore the little voice in my head telling me something doesn’t feel right because I’m worried about overreacting.

And I don’t have to be embarrassed that the entire experience scared me. BECAUSE IT DID! It scared me enough that, even over the phone, my husband could tell I wouldn’t be able to stay in the house by myself that night. He convinced me, without much effort, to pack up and head out to stay with family. I am incredibly grateful I had somewhere safe and familiar to go.

Once I settled down, I started thinking about all those true crime podcasts I listen to. One of the recurring themes in so many of them is that people—especially women—often ignore their instincts because they don’t want to be rude.

  • We don’t want to overreact.
  • We don’t want to offend someone.
  • We don’t want to look paranoid.
  • We don’t want to be called crazy.

We tell ourselves: They’re probably harmless. I’m sure it’s fine. Or, I don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing.

Tonight reminded me that I’d rather make a big deal out of nothing than ignore something that turns out to be a big deal. It also made me realize there are things I need to do differently.

I want to become more confident in my own ability to handle situations that scare me. Because honestly, I was scared and panicking. That means thinking through my home safety plan, knowing exactly what I would do in an emergency, and getting additional training so I don’t have to figure things out while adrenaline is pumping and two strangers are standing outside my house.

Because last tonight, I was scared. Really scared. And maybe those two men were exactly who they said they were, but what if they weren’t? I genuinely hope they were, but I will never regret not opening that door. I plan to call AT&T to find out if they had people in the area last night.

So perhaps all those hours I’ve spent listening to true crime haven’t just entertained me while I’m driving, cleaning, working, or getting ready in the morning. Maybe they’ve taught me some important lessons too:

  • Pay attention.
  • Trust your instincts.
  • You don’t have to open the door.
  • You don’t have to prove you’re being reasonable.
  • And you definitely don’t have to risk your safety just to be polite.

Thankfully, nothing happened, and that’s exactly how I wanted the story to end.

Resources for Feeling Safer & More Prepared

I don’t want to end this story by telling anyone they should live in fear. That’s not how I want to live, either. However, I do think there is a difference between being afraid and being prepared.

Tonight showed me that I have some homework to do. I want to be more confident about what to do when something doesn’t feel right, especially when I’m home by myself. If this story has you thinking about your own safety plan, then maybe the information below will help… I did a little research for me and thought I’d share it with you too!

Know when to call for help.
If you believe someone is attempting to enter your home or you believe that you are in immediate danger, call 911. You don’t have to investigate the situation yourself or open the door to determine someone’s intentions.

Create a simple home safety plan.
Don’t wait until you’re in a situation, like I was in, and your scared and panicking. Answer these questions: Where would you go in your home? Who would you call? Can you see who’s outside without opening the door? Are your exterior doors and windows secure? Do your cameras cover the areas you need them to cover? Does everyone in your household know what to do?

Consider a neighborhood or community watch program.
You don’t have to approach personal safety alone. Neighborhood watch programs can help neighbors communicate about unusual activity and become more aware of what’s happening around them. Talk to your local Police Department, they may already know of a neighborhood watch group in your area that they can get you in touch with.

Take a self-defense class.
Self-defense training isn’t just about learning how to fight. A good program can teach awareness, boundary setting, de-escalation, confidence and what to do when leaving isn’t an option. Look for reputable instructors in your area and choose a program that emphasizes safety and realistic situations.

If you own a firearm, get trained.
Owning one and feeling confident using one safely are two very different things. Tonight made that incredibly clear to me personally. If you choose to keep a firearm for home protection, consider professional instruction that focuses first on safe handling, secure storage, decision-making and responsible use. This is something I personally plan to explore after tonight.

Use technology, but don’t rely on technology alone.
Video doorbells, exterior cameras, motion lighting, alarms and smart locks can all be useful layers of home security. Tonight, our Ring camera allowed my husband to speak to the people at our door without me ever having to open it. I’m extremely thankful for that. However, technology works best as part of a larger plan—not as the entire plan.

What I really want you to take away from my experience is this, you need to give yourself permission to trust your instincts. You don’t have to open the door – ever! You don’t have to explain why you’re uncomfortable. You don’t have to worry about hurting a stranger’s feelings. And, you don’t have to wait until you can prove that something is dangerous before taking steps to make yourself safe.

Self-Defense: How Prepared Are You?

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Self-defense may seem a bit off topic for me, but as I research and plan for my next novel, self-defense strategies keep coming up. When I think of self-defense I always think of walking down a dark alley and what I would do if someone jumped out at me. The truth is self-defense is so much more than that.

self def.There are three different elements of self-defense:

Defending oneself from harm
Defending one’s property from harm
Defending the well-being of another person from harm

I’ve taken self-defense classes at different times throughout my life – the kind of classes that really kick your butt and makes you realize you have muscles in places you never knew. The thing that always amazes me is that typically the instructors of these courses don’t actually condone “fighting”. They teach you how to defend yourself “physically” but stress that the first and most important thing you want to do if you are ever in a position of physical danger for you or someone else is to GET AWAY!!! Put as much distance between you and the attacker as possible and as quickly as possible.

There have been studies showing that the amount of distance needed, in order to deter an attacker from continuing his/her attack is 15-18 feet. That’s right 15-18 feet. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but pull out your tape measure and take a look – it is a lot longer than you might think.

If you sign up for a self-defense class, you’ll do a lot of cardio and strength training, you’ll learn kicks, punches, even slaps to help protect yourself. These are all great things to learn and remember, and honestly I recommend taking a self-defense class to EVERYONE! You are never to big, to small, to old, or to young to learn to defend yourself. It is also important to remember – for those of you that have had training – reacting in a real life situation isn’t always as easy as reacting to an attack you know is coming in class.

MY REAL LIFE STORY…
During my freshman year in college – I won’t give dates – I had an apartment just off of campus. As in so close it was practically on campus. I was a Theatre Major, and my apartment building was directly across the parking lot from the theater building that I spend most of my nights in. That’s right, I would be there for rehearsals, set builds, etc. etc. etc. until long after the sun went down. My campus had on-site security that you could call up at any time. Someone would then come and walk you to your car if you were parked on campus. It was a safety measure. Well, me being the “tough-independent girl” that I was, I never used their services. I figured I could see my apartment building from the theater building and therefore, I didn’t want to waste the security guards time just to walk me fifty yards.

**Big Mistake**

Yes, I can admit that now. I was young and stupid, and full of pride. One night, as I was making my way home someone grabbed me from behind. Lucky for me – I was also a Military Science ROTC student, which meant I was actively involved in self-defense classes and training on a regular basis. My brain told me to get away, but he had ahold of my arm and wasn’t letting go. I turned and stepped into him – he wasn’t expecting me to get closer to him because most victims just struggle to get away – I grabbed his arms and used them for leverage as I lifted my knee as fast and as hard as I could. I connected directly with his groin and he went down, letting go of his grip on me as he fell. I turned and ran the rest of the way home as fast as I could.

You might be wondering what I learned from that experience. I’d love to say that it reaffirmed my “tough-independent girl” nature, but in reality it showed me the importance of never putting yourself in a potentially dangerous situation no matter how tough you think you are. From that point on I always used the “Buddy System” and I made sure my friends did the same. I didn’t let my pride get in the way of my asking for help or asking to have someone walk with me. I never wanted to be seen as the girl who needed a man to protect her, but I also never wanted to be a victim of my pride. The situation above could have gone so much worse, I was very lucky that my instincts kicked in and I reacted the right way, but had he been ready for me to defend myself things could have been so much worse. I believe my guardian angel was watching over me that day, but I know that I can’t always rely on that.

I will leave you with a few things you can do TODAY to help protect yourself and your family:

– Have a safety plan at home –

Do you have a safety plan for emergencies in your house? If there is a fire do you and our family (including kids) know where to go and how to get there? Do you have a plan for if there is a break-in in the middle of the night, or if you come home and the door is open – Do your kids know what to do? If you answered NO to any of these questions – then you need to sit down, as a family, and put your plan in place.
Having a home safety plan and practicing what to do is important not just for adults but for children too. More often than not people panic in emergencies – if you know and practice your plan you are more likely to make it out of the situations safely.

– Have a safety plan for when you’re out of the house –

First off, if its late – you’re alone or with your kids – and you need something from the store make sure you park close to the building AND under a light. If that isn’t possible GO HOME! There is nothing so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow.

Second, you and your kids need to have a plan (A SAFETY WORD) for when you spot or sense danger. Yes, kids are kids and they will argue and bicker from time to time, however, in a store or parking lot isn’t the time to only focus on them and lose sight of your surroundings. Make sure you have established a ‘safety word’ that your kids know and understand to mean ‘Get close, hold hands, and be prepared to run.’ This is helpful for when your walking to your car and spot someone suspicious lurking close by. Once that safety word is said, everyone should know their role – be it grab hands, run to the car, run directly back to the store, etc. If you have a son that feels like he should be the protector make sure he understands that his role is one of the most important… instead of fighting, tell him to run back to the store and call for help. Whatever their role is – you as a parent need to remain calm and make sure they know what they are doing. Practice these procedures, when there is no danger, that way they feel comfortable in cases where there may be danger.

What other self-defense/safety tips do you and your family use? Have you taken self-defense classes and if so what did you find more valuable about the training? Share your tips and thoughts by commenting below!