If I should cry, my eyes would know, all the feelings I didn’t let show.
If I should cry, my eyes would see, all of the things I neglected to be.
If I should cry, my heart would hear, all of the secrets I hold dear.
If I should cry, my heart would feel, all of the things that can never be real.
Dedicated to my family, those alive and those lost.
(c) copyright 2008 ~ Nina Soden
For more poems, check out by collection on Amazon: Private Words Unspoken
The phone rang.
My Uncle is in the hospital.
He’s been there a month.
A MONTH and no one told me.
The phone rang.
My hands are shaking.
I can’t get the tears to stop.
A MONTH and no one told me.
The phone rang.
I may be far, but I’m still family.
Distance doesn’t make it easier.
Distance doesn’t mean I don’t still love.
A MONTH and no one told me.
The phone rang.
He has a week, maybe two.
It isn’t long enough.
I need him to breathe… to live… to fight.
A MONTH and no one told me.
The phone rang.
Miles between us and my voice betays me…
How do you say goodbye, when the words won’t come?
How do you say I love you when words aren’t enough?
I’m hurting… I’m angry.
A MONTH and no one told me.
The phone rang.
I have a phone; someone should have called.
I have email; someone should have written.
My heart is broken.
A MONTH and no one told me.
It isn’t right. It isn’t fair. SOMEONE SHOUD HAVE TOLD ME!
Dedicated to my Uncle Dan ~ I will love you always~
(C) Nina Soden 2019
For more poems, check out by collection on Amazon: Private Words Unspoken
The sky was dark… The water was cold… They were fully submerged near the end of the dock waiting for the right moment to make their attack. In silent mode he gave his orders through hand movements and signals they had practiced a thousand times.
But still a young, nervous, and over excited recruit moved to soon. Being the leader he quickly moved to stop him, but it was too late. The young boy had thrown himself into the hands of the enemy, and there was no way for them to save him now. They could only wait.
Moments later they could hear them feeding of the young recruit as he screamed in pain and fear. He had always preached ‘No man left behind’ to his unit, and today would be no different. He gave the order to strike, and twenty men dressed in black wet suits quickly scaled the end of the dock and appeared as if from nowhere before the hungry beasts.
They didn’t have time to think. They had to utilize their skills and training without question or doubt. He showed no fear, not allowing his men to see on his face what he was feeling inside – terror. In seconds he was on their leader. A quick slice of his blade and the zombie went down… Three more before his men even had a chance to react. Then five with the dagger he kept in a pocket on his right leg. Quickly the enemy dwindled.
When all was done his unit stood before him, tired and worn, but his focus was not on them. He went to that young recruit and holding him in his arms he looked deep into his eyes. They both knew what had to be done, for he had been infected, and soon would begin the change.
The young boy just nodded and closed his eyes. With a heavy heart and a firm grip he twisted his head snapping his neck. Everything went quiet.
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His unit stood there at attention as the Captain explained their next mission. Expressionless… Fearless… Determined… Brave… He knew that this fight was worth the losses they might have. For one life, to save thousands was acceptable. His life to save thousands was the least he could give.
An hour later they were suited up… sitting side by side… listening to the rattling of the C130… and preparing for the jump. The drop zone was a small clearing surrounded by trees on three sides and a river bed of rocks, fallen trees, and shallow water on the fourth. He had never made such a dangerous landing, but fear wasn’t something be believed in.
Standing in the door his heart began to race with exhilaration and excitement. He was ready! The light turned green and he stepped out without even a moment of hesitation. Within seconds he hit the ground… rolled onto his back… pulled the handles… and his chute was off. Thirty seconds later he had found cover in the thick tree-line.
They dug in and waited out the night. But before the sun could rise… THEY came! Like death in the night they creep through the trees seeking… hunting… feeding… By morning more than half of his unit was dead, and of the rest all but two had been infected. Like the dead themselves they feed off of the corpses of their fallen comrades.
Of the two still alive one was mutilated so badly it was only a matter of time before death took him. But he still remained. He stood tall ready for the fight to come. Until the inevitable end, he remained focused… determined… strong…
(c) Nina Soden 2014
I always regretted that I was so far away when you passed. I never got to say goodbye, and still today that hurts. I wish I had visited more when I had the chance. I wish I had called, just to talk. Just to tell you I love you! Because I did, and I still do.
There hasn’t been a holiday, important moment or event in my life, or just a day that has gone by that you haven’t been with me in my heart. You’re my guardian angel that I talk to when I need guidance and somehow you always help me find the answers.
Last night, for the first time in years I couldn’t shut my eyes without seeing your face. I wish I could say that seeing you in my dreams made me smile, but it didn’t. I ended up quietly crying myself to sleep. No matter how close you got I couldn’t get my arms around you. I couldn’t hug you. You were always just out of reach.
Grandma was there too. Hand-in-hand you both looked just like I remembered you. I know that you’re together now, and happy again after so many years of being apart when she died, but even knowing that you’re happy doesn’t make the pain of missing you both any easier. I’m sorry if that sounds selfish, but you’re my grandpa and grandma and I feel like I can be a little selfish in my feels about you both being gone.
When you were finally close enough that I could reach you, you held out your hand to me. But when I tried to go to you a hand on my shoulder stopped me. “They’re not here for you. They’re here for me.” It was your son, my Uncle. You know he hasn’t been well, not for the last few years. He is back in the hospital again, and he isn’t doing well. Lets just say he is stubborn, like you always were! Like my dad. Like me! Well, honestly I don’t think there is anyone in our family that isn’t at least a little stubborn. I don’t think stubbornness is always a bad thing – it can be a strength, and I thank you for that. However in this case it is a bad thing. He is choosing to be stubborn instead of going to the doctor when he needs to, instead of listening to his doctor’s advice, and instead of eating right and taking care of himself.
His stubbornness is digging his early grave, and Grandpa, I’m not ready to lose him yet. I don’t feel like I’ve had time to say goodbye yet, or to tell him that I love him and always will. Even being home for the holidays wasn’t enough. he seemed so fragile and I was afraid to touch him because I didn’t want to hurt him. it’s silly I know. I should have just taken him in my arms and hugged him, cried, told him he I will always love him, screamed at him to fight to live if not for him but for me – for all of his nieces and nephews that love him.
I guess I’m just asking for a little more time. Instead of taking him home with you, please just be his guardian angel and help him push through this, like you do for me whenever I need help.
I love you grandpa, and I miss you every day. Give grandma a big hug for me and tell her I love and miss her too.
Nina
Nina Soden 